Serves me right...

Still eating chocolate

Still polishing off the inevitable Christmas chocolate.

The sooner it's gone the better. What an excuse to keep eating!!

Started back on the elliptical - 2 x 10 minutes yesterday and 10 mins so far today. Using some of the programmes it has that vary the resistance and work pattern. Getting the hang of the controls, just have to do it more often now. It has a pulse meter that also measures your recovery rate, which is a useful tool to measuring any improvement in fitness. It rates you 1-6 with 6 being the poorest, currently I'm on 5 - pretty poor, but look forward to getting better!

Aren't the leftovers finished yet?

Well I've eaten so much I've lost track and daren't step on the scales for a day or two! Trouble is I'm hopeless at judging how much food to make when catering for more than just the two of us. In fact I'm bad enough for just the two of us! Portion sizes - what are they?!

Not to worry, once all the leftovers are gone we'll get back to normal. Now I've to get back on the cross-trainer and start in earnest.

PS I just love these wee smiley things

And it's here...!

The new cross-trainer (elliptical trainer) has arrived. First exercise of the day is carrying the blooming thing up the stairs. Phew! Even in bits it's heavy. Next exercise is of the mental variety - trying to put it together. Machine itself seems very strong and substantial (it'd have to be - who said that??!) but the plastic-casing-dust-protector-aesthetic bits don't fit together at all well and the screws are cr*p. The air was a teeny wee bit blue. I was on instruction manual reading, hubby was doing the nuts and bolts bits. But we got there, gosh it's tall. Have had a shotty, but need to read the manual to work out how the computer bit works. Looks quite clever!

Waiting for the delivery van - AGAIN

Well our new elliptical trainer has finally reached "The Depot" (wherever that is) this afternoon and will be with us tomorrow they say, but then they said it would be with us on Wednesday so I'm not holding my breath. Thing is, if they'd said Friday in the first place I'd have been quite pleased as we just ordered it on-line on Sunday - it's the broken promises that get me rattled.

Hubby's bike

Waiting for the delivery van....

We really chose a silly time of year to try to start cycling. Hubby braved the cold the other day but I was a wimp. I do a wee stint on the rowing machine, but probably not as much as I could or should. Eating OK - so slowly and steadily losing a few pounds. So I don't feel too bad about it!

So anywayjust to help things along... I persuaded Hubby that we (just!) have enough room for an elliptical cross-trainer. I've read so many posts from people singing their praises on various forums that I thought it would be The Thing to get me through Winter, emerging a bit fitter in the Spring ready to CYCLE!

It should have been delivered today, but, what do you know - no show! So infuriating!!

They'll "Try to chase it up first thing tomorrow" - another day of waiting.

Until tomorrow...

Not as bad as I thought...

Checked my "stats" this morning and they weren't as bad as I thought, was convinced I would have gained weight this week but I haven't. Percentages fat to muscle moved (a tiny amount!!) in the right direction, so I feel a little less downhearted and am looking forwards again. Pinned a copy of the "Take responsibility" post below onto the fridge door and am just about to make a to-do list to try to prioritise and make better use of my time. Things TO DO - make a To Do List!!!

Still too much cake!

Pretty hopeless, me. Slipping up so soon after making all these big commitments. It's so easy to make excuses. We really haven't had a lot of time, but it really doesn't take long to do a wee bit of exercise, it's just so much easier to watch the telly and have another piece of toast! But, the funny thing is, if I was giving someone else advise, I'd be saying, forget it, it's a blip, it's done - the thing to do is start again and keep going, but somehow because it's me, I feel like I'm pretty useless having lost the way so soon after getting started and feel, because I'm really not in the habit of doing exercise, that I might never be and it'll always be difficult.

We met with my brother yesterday and spent some time talking about a course he is doing at the moment. One of the things he said was about this sort of negative thinking about yourself and a tool to help was to jot these thoughts down and go back to them later when the situation isn't so immediately personal and you could look at them more objectively. (Hope I've explained that ok - I know what I mean!!!) So, anyway, that's what I'm trying to do. Not get bogged down thinking about it too much, but just get on with it and do it. Pick myself up and start again... It's up to me after all.

I read something on another forum that I've copied below. I don't know if it's by someone famous or by the guy who wrote the post, but it is motivational so I don't suppose anyone will mind me copying it down here. Thanks to whoever it was anyway!!

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"Now's the time to grab the steering wheel of your life. Delve deep within yourself and take responsibility for your health and behavior. Ask yourself hard questions and face the truth of what needs to be done. Weight loss is not always easy or fair but you are the only one that can lose weight for you. Take a turn for the better!"

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PS Good news is that hubby got his bike today, boy it looks swish! Bad news is he's hurt his big toe (swollen, black and blue and **** sore.) Good grief!

Wish it was next week...

Yesterday we found one of the feral cats we feed (on a Sunday as part of a rota) had passed away. He didn't come running for his food as usual, so Hubby went looking for him and found him in one of the little "kennels" one of the other volunteers made for them. Poor wee soul. He lost his best mate, Hamish, not so long ago and was pretty down for a while, but had picked up again. Thankfully he seemed to go peacefully in his sleep, curled up with one paw over his face. Felt so down. Hamish (black and white) and his friend The Little Black Cat who have both gone to "Rainbow Bridge".

In the back ground is The Fluffy Cat who became so friendly she was found a home with one of the local vets.

The tri-colour at the rear is still part of the community at the feral site.

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RAINBOW BRIDGE

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"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart. Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together.... "

Author unknown...

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Today was difficult too (work stuff - that other story again, maybe I'll tell it one day!?) Then thought we'd pop into the bike shop to see if Hubby's bike was on the horizon. Thought that would cheer us up BUT it probably won't be in until next week now. Pah!

Have you ever heard of TRAINEO.com?

Again, thanks to the bike forum, http://www.bikeforums.net/ have joined Traineo a free site where you can log your progress on fitness and weight loss. (See the logos at the top of this blog) It has forums and all sorts of things to help with motivation. Have yet to really explore it, but it looks like a good tool. I've come to the conclusion that "going public" might give me the kick up the bum I need to keep at it! Let's hope so...

Too much cake...

Today was our first bike ride since my last post here. It was one thing after another - both reasons and excuses! We'd a visitor, so we were doing the touristy bit. It was fun - toasties and scones, and craft shops and bothies for sale, more coffee and cake and sitting chatting but no bike riding. What little weight I had lost I have regained!! Then we both had a bug of some sort - too much cake!!? Then it was foggy or too windy or it was raining, or I was too lazy or I was preoccupied with work problems but, again, that's another story and not for this blog. But today, although it was blowing a gale to start with, the wind died down, the sun came out, and off we went and it was great. Felt a bit tentative to start with, but did better than I thought. Again we went on the same route as before. I think we're kind of stuck with that until 1) hubby gets his mountain bike (soon - hopefully it should be delivered next week!!) and 2) I lose a little of my fear of the traffic. But the route we are doing is great for me learning at the moment. It's a bit hilly, has a few bends and it's quiet countryside scenery, averages just one car passing us on each trip. I think I am getting the hang of things now and just need (lots) more practice. There are woodland trails branching off it that we'll tackle once hubby has his MB and we are both really looking forward to that. My new padded-bum leggings arrived from the US. Have I mentioned this? I'll get on my hobby-horse again for a bit... It would appear to be impossible to buy large sized cycling gear in the UK. Obviously most of us stiff-upper-lippish Brits think that large women shouldn't be encouraged to get fitter and certainly shouldn't be allowed to wear appropriate clothing if we do! Companies here XXL size (if they do such a thing) is a size I'm not likely to be in a month of Sundays.

However thanks to some of the members of the marvellous http://www.bikeforums.net/ I discovered that I could buy big stuff there at a very reasonable price (even including the postage), so that's what I did. See below:-

http://www.aerotechdesigns.com/

There's another couple of companies I'll have a look at too. But, anyway, I would certainly recommend the padded bum pants! I've plenty of padding of my own, but they really seemed to make a difference! Not sure I'm built to look good in lycra, but who cares if it does the job! Just need something now to stop my face going beetroot red and I might lose my self-consciousness altogether!! So let's hope for another nice day tomorrow...

Fill your lungs with that country air!

Just back from ride 4. About 3.5 miles, undulating country road. Felt I did much better today. Went a teeny bit further, still along the same route - as hubby is still on his road bike and I still don't want to play in the traffic - but felt I dealt with it a little more easily. Fewer stops and panics at hills and corners and if I have to get off and push I'm doing it straight off (more or less...)rather than having a 10 minute breather!!! Hubby is setting me achievable (with a struggle!) targets, which helps me to do more than I'd do by myself. I still can't quite get that challenge mentality quite right. But I am feeling pleased with myself having done more than I thought possible in a fairly short space of time. I'm still beetroot red and sweaty on return and hope I don't bump into the neighbours, but I'm caring less about that and more about that "Wheeeee!" feeling you get being on the bike. The aroma of the muck spreading the farmer has been doing still fills the air, but hey! it's the countryside - it's better than car fumes! Hubby's brother is coming to stay with us tomorrow, for a week, so that will impact on our outings, and I'm not brave enough to go out alone. We'll play it by ear, he's a good lad and might be OK staying to keep the cats company while we're out!!

Where's my head at?

Thursday Fine day again, but a wee bit windy. Went out on the bikes, same route as before. Had raised my saddle a little and it seemed a little easier to "find" the pedals, that sounds crazy, but anyone starting out will know what I'm on about! Got on better on the way out, managing to change gear a little more without it being an MGM performance. Coming back (the more uphill bit) was still a struggle, though I think confidence plays its part too along with the breathing and fitness. It was a little easier than the previous run, but still pretty jolly tough. Friday Ditto, but my head must have been elsewhere. Things I managed on Thursday I was struggling with on Friday. How can that be? A few bits of the route were a little less daunting, as I knew how hard it was going to be for my little legs and I just tried to push myself a little. Another factor that played its part was that the farmer had been muck spreading and parts of the route were covered in dung and the aroma was just a bit too country! Hubby has been following me en-route like my guardian angel and watching me change gear, etc., yelling UP or DOWN as the case may be, if I haven't quite got it right! I'm really trying to listen and learn, but (there's always a but, isn't there?) it's a lot to take in and master when you are unfit and a beginner. We're both stubborn and think we know best, but (there's that but again) although I know he knows best in this case, putting his advice into practice is definitely easier said than done!! Maybe I'm expecting too much, or maybe not enough!!!? Who knows? Saturday - no time - no cycle Until tomorrow...

Hubby has wheels again, sooner than we thought!

Hubby's bike is back from the bike shop, job done (really quick and reasonable price, great stuff!) So we are ready to go back out again. Trouble is we will probably have to wait until tomorrow as we have Cat Things to do today. That's another story - but basically we are (informal) volunteers for a couple of cat "charities". Today we are going to help with 12 cats (feeding, cleaning litter trays, tickling tummies, etc) belonging to a chap who has had a stroke. And we've to deliver some food to a nearby farm where there's a small colony of semi-ferals. Now if it was earlier in the year and we had the long clear nights.... But maybe my numb bum will be better by tomorrow anyway!! Til tomorrow...

Doing rather than Thinking

We are up to date now with the tale. Today the sun was shining, so THIS WAS IT! Hubby looked out his old racing bike, (Raleigh Pulsar 25years old but in good nick) dusted off several years of cobwebs and got it ready for the road. We donned our helmets, and the closest thing I could find to cycling gear, I wheeled my mandarin coloured Juniper out to the street. We pushed the bikes round to a very quiet country road near where we live. Didn't feel as daft as I thought I would, even when the neighbours stopped to chat. Then it was time to actually do it! I felt ungainly and unsupple (is that a word?). Just getting my feet onto the pedals felt awkward, but away I went. It was flat to start - OK - then a bit downhill - freeee wheeeel! Then up hill again for a bit - good grief I'm puffing a bit now and my legs are beginning to struggle and I realise why folk wear padded knickers! I'd had a few how-gears-work lessons. (I don't drive either!) but it'll take me a while to get the hang of them. We got where we'd planned on going, round about 1.5 miles, much quicker than I expected. Had a rest for a few minutes until I felt marginally more normal, and then time to go back. More uphill on the way home and I realised how unfit I am. My little leggies were now burning going uphill. Stopping and resting more than I'd hoped. Then off again, hubby bringing up the rear - just in case! Then another "wheee" down the hill, and then I heard a nasty graunching sound a bit behind me. Hubby's bike had given up the ghost. Symptoms - bottom deraillier jumped into real wheel breaking the deraillier, bending the frame and spokes. So that was him pushing it home and me having frequent (much appreciated!) rests while he caught up. As we started nearing parked cars and traffic I felt too wobbly to risk cycling so pushed Juniper home. Hubby's bike is off to the menders, hopefully it'll be back, sorted, in a couple of days. I was tickled pink, but knackered - sore bum, wobbly legs, sweaty and beetroot-red faced, but everyone has to start somewhere. And I've started!!

NO WAY!! turns into YES, LET'S!!!

Hubby wanted us to get mountain bikes. It took a good few weeks and lots of soul searching to get from a) “NO WAY!! I could never do that!” to b) “Well…maybe…” to c) “Yeah! I think I can give it a go” to d) “Yes, let’s go to the bike shop” All the daft, mostly negative, thoughts of the day went through my head. What will the neighbours think? What if I fall off? Pictures of Dumbo pre-flight and flying. No bike will cope with my short-legged bulk! My face will go all red and sweaty, no - purple and sweaty! People will laugh at me. What will I wear? No way they’ll make bike gear in my size! You name it - I thought it. Funnily enough very rarely did I think of physical obstacles, mostly psychological ones! Shows where my head was at. I’m not sure how I managed to get from a-d above. My hubby, as always, was a great help, I'd never have done it without him. It's been a rough year til now, but that's another story, and he got me through that too. One of the first catalysts, or inspirations, for me was the sight of a local shop assistant out power walking – red faced, but going for it big time. When next we saw her she was slimmer and had a spring in her step previously unseen. Around halfway through the “process” of changing my mind-set about this, we took a trip to Halfords (a shop I had previously felt “allergic” to!) It wasn’t so bad. No-one stared at me as I stared at the bikes. There were all sorts of interesting gadgets, computers and the like (more my kind of thing – cerebral rather than physical!) But overall it wasn’t as scary as I thought. I started looking on the internet and came across a reference to a bike forum with a sub-section for cyclists over 200lbs. Sounded like the place to look. It was… It was inspirational. That sounds like I’m being a bit of a nut, but truly it changed my outlook. Here were people, scattered mostly over the US, but some from elsewhere, who were full of enthusiasm and encouragement. Some are athletic giants and others more podgy lumps (like me). But they were supportive of the little steps people were taking as well as the big ones. Many had BLOGS filled with tales of their individual triumphs. They were giving practical advice, as well as moral support to each other. I’m so grateful I stumbled across it. It struck me that, here in the UK, so many people are so worried about being “cool” that they forget that some of us will never be “cool”, don’t want to be “cool”, but have a right to “be all we can be”. I’m on my soap box now, but it really has made me think about my attitude, as well as other people’s.

So that was it, in my head I had made that leap, it would be good for us. I will do it.

I asked a few questions of http://www.bikeforums.net/ What stars they are, can't thank them enough...Have a look!

We had a look on the web to learn a bit about sizes and specs and such things. Next step was walking into the local bike shop to get measured and ask their advic,e. Off we went... I was nervous, but realised just getting through the door was a big change for me. I'm not used to trying to do things without being sure I'll succeed, usually I'd chicken out. But I did it. The guy in the shop was a gem. He was short, like me (I'm 5'2") but half my girth. He reassured me the bikes would be strong enough(!) and that I could get one short enough too. Hubby being "normal", though he has long legs and a short body, (my opposite) wasn't a problem.

Spent half that night discussing it. We decided if we were going to do it we should do it right and decided to up our budget and buy better bikes than we'd first thought of and went back the next day, descision made.

We went for Marins, me a Juniper Trail and hubby a Rocky Ridge. He checked they were in stock and that was that. Mine would arrive in less than a week, hubby's mid November. Blimey, we'd done it.

Waited, more impatiently than I had imagined, and went to get fitted and pick it up. It looked great. When I sat on it in the shop it seemed so alien, but there was no going back! Thought we'd need it delivered but managed to get it in the back of the car.

We'd bought good helmets too, so we were all set.

The chap we'd first seen at the shop said it night be a good idea to have the saddle lower initially to help with my confidence. I hadn't been on a bike for over 35 years! So that's what we did.

My first few turns of the pedals were very tentative, needed holding up(!) but I stayed upright and managed down to the bottom of the lane, a u-turn(!) and back again. All of less than 100yards probably, but I didn't fall off!!!! I felt absurdly pleased with myself - you'd think I'd done a marathon!